Editor's Note: Every tax season for the last umpteen years, Robert E. McKenzie, a tax lawyer at Arnstein & Lehr in Chicago, has made a tradition of sharing his carefully curated collection of tax jokes. Here are a few of his latest. Enjoy!
By Robert E. McKenzie
1) "Three things are certain in life. Death and taxes are two of them. The third is tax fraud." – Matt Pearce, LA Times, April 19, 2016
2) "I think nobody knows more about taxes than I do, maybe in the history of the world. Nobody knows more about taxes." – Donald Trump during 2016 campaign
3) "Anonymous just hacked Trump's tax returns. Unfortunately, like Trump's hands, the numbers are tiny and impossible to make out." – Michael R. Burch
4) "IT’S THE ENVELOPE no taxpayer wants to open: an IRS audit notice. What should you do if one arrives? Curl into the fetal position? Run? Freak out?" – USAA, April 21, 2016
5) "Consult an appropriate tax lawyer if you're thinking about legally setting up offshore financial accounts. And, definitely, consult a lawyer if you've already done it the other way … because the Feds may be ringing your doorbell very soon." – John Devie, U.S. News World Report, April 19, 2016
6) "The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes – naturally, no one wants to live any other way." – Judith Martin
7) Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches and other valuables. In the midst of the chaos, accountant No. 1 jams something in accountant No. 2’s hand. Without looking down, accountant No. 2 whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant No. 1 replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."