As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
Each year I share a little tax humor during tax season...
“Internal Revenue Service is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I.” – Courtesy of Sharon Kreider, CPA
“An income tax,” said Mellon, “is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money.” – Al Capone, before he was convicted of tax evasion
TurboTax is the worst video game ever.
“Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.” – Mike Royko
“Who is FICA and why is she taking my money?” – Unknown
A senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
“If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. “But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.”
A CPA goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the CPA.
“Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.”
“How much does the middle parrot cost?” asks the CPA.
“That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts.”
The startled CPA asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000.
Needless to say, this begs the question, What can it do? To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I have never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him senior partner.”