Tax Season Funnies: Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer

Portrait of a young laughing businessman with tablet computer in officePlus an alligator in a bar.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you cannot get killed by a blank?

Taxation is based on supply and demand. We supply when the government demands.
 

MORE: A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS
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When Congress writes the tax laws, they often leave it to the IRS to “fill in the details” with specific instructions. That’s like asking a hungry lion to protect the sheep from the wolves.

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Tax Season Funnies: A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

Older businessman with younger businessman trailing behind himAlso: How to be a good tax professional.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
Have you heard of the "audit lottery"? It's a game where 99.5 percent of the people are winners. If the IRS pulls your number, you lose. Everyone else is a winner.
 

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: Gargoyles in the IRS? | Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS
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If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But...
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn't appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it. Either of which is probably tax deductible.

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Tax Season Funnies: Gargoyles in the IRS?

And then the lawyer said ...

Plus a couple of Will Rogers classics.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
Each year I share a little tax humor during tax season ...
“When not on vacation (which is a lot of the time, fortunately for the republic), Congress can be hazardous to our health.” – Mike Causey, Federal News Radio, 4/6/17
 
“To err is human, but this you should learn. Do not be human on your tax return.” – Tony Anton

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Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS

Businessman looking thoughtfulAlso: Two sides of whiskey.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

Each year I share a little tax humor during tax season...

“Internal Revenue Service is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' a few cows. BAM! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I.” – Courtesy of Sharon Kreider, CPA

More Tax Season Funnies here

“An income tax,” said Mellon, “is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon

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Tax Season Funnies: Travel Deductions and Limo Drivers

A traffic cop treads carefully.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • On tax day we remembered the immortal quote from Charlie Brown in the "Peanuts" comic strip: “No problem is so big or so complicated it cannot be run away from.”

More Tax Season Humor: Lawyer Vs. Accountant | Who Gets the Penthouse Suite? | April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands." – Jimmy Kimmel

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Tax Season Funnies: Lawyer Vs. Accountant

Overhead view of 4 hands putting together 4 puzzle piecesALSO: Wait, that's not what the box means?

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • "Yes: here's to the founding fathers – slave-owning British citizens who didn't want to pay taxes ..." – David Mazzucchelli

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: Who Gets the Penthouse Suite? | Tax Season Funnies: April Fool Is When? | Tax Season Funnies: What Money Can Buy | Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes  | Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose." – Evan Esar

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Tax Season Funnies: Who Gets the Penthouse Suite?

Businessman relaxing in clouds in skyPlus words of wisdom from Abraham Lincoln.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • "It is seldom given to mortal man to feel superior to a tax lawyer." – Anthony C. Amsterdam

 

  • "Who will protect the integrity of the tax law if the tax lawyers won’t?" – Christopher Bergin

More Tax Season Humor: April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Sixty-four percent of women attorneys think that tax lawyers make undesirable dates." – Daniel Dolan

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Tax Season Funnies: Estate Planning in Ancient Egypt

Plus alligators discuss lawyers.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • "Needless tax complexity promotes chaos and confusion and gives the taxpayer a ready excuse for inattention to detail merging toward outright noncompliance." – Gene Steuerle

More Tax Season Humor: April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "The ancient Egyptians built elaborate fortresses and tunnels and even posted guards at tombs to stop grave robbers. In today’s America, we call that estate planning." – Congressman Bill Archer 

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Tax Season Funnies: April Fool Is When?

Man at desk with "April fool" stickies on his backMan at desk with "April fool" stickies on his backPlus an April 15 carol. Write a new verse and send it to us!
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • "We picked the wrong day for April Fools. I would have chosen April 15." – Steve Maple, 3-27-09

More Tax Season Humor: What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS." – Jay Leno

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Tax Season Funnies: What Money Can Buy

Businessman ogling money over another's shoulderPlus the world's oldest profession.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • “A tax shelter is a dumb transaction done by smart people that will put my kids through college.” – Chuck Rettig, current IRS commissioner, as quoted in 2005
  • “I don’t care about money. I just want to be wonderful.” – Marilyn Monroe

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes  | Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

  • “Money doesn’t talk, it swears.” – Bob Dylan

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Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes

Golf club by tee at tee box, looking downhill at holeGetting you through these last few weeks.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • Why are tax advisors so calm and composed? They have strong internal controls.

 

  • A dime is a dollar with all the various taxes deducted.

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • The reward for saving money is being able to pay our taxes without borrowing.

 

  • Why not slap a tax on political gas?

 

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Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution

Questions college students ask.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • “An income tax is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – Former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon

More Tax Season Humor: The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

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The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever

Tax advisors tell you to be audit you can be.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • The American taxpayers wouldn't object to free transportation for certain government officials if they'd go where we wish they would.
  • Nowadays the world revolves on its taxes.

More Tax Season Humor: What Al Capone Said about Taxes – Before His ConvictionA CPA Goes into a Pet Shop to Buy a Parrot…  |   A Little Tax Humor  |  How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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  • Turbo Tax is the worst video game ever.

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