Tax Season Funnies: Travel Deductions and Limo Drivers

A traffic cop treads carefully.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • On tax day we remembered the immortal quote from Charlie Brown in the "Peanuts" comic strip: “No problem is so big or so complicated it cannot be run away from.”

More Tax Season Humor: Lawyer Vs. Accountant | Who Gets the Penthouse Suite? | April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands." – Jimmy Kimmel

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Tax Season Funnies: Lawyer Vs. Accountant

Overhead view of 4 hands putting together 4 puzzle piecesALSO: Wait, that's not what the box means?

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • "Yes: here's to the founding fathers – slave-owning British citizens who didn't want to pay taxes ..." – David Mazzucchelli

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: Who Gets the Penthouse Suite? | Tax Season Funnies: April Fool Is When? | Tax Season Funnies: What Money Can Buy | Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes  | Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose." – Evan Esar

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Tax Season Funnies: Who Gets the Penthouse Suite?

Businessman relaxing in clouds in skyPlus words of wisdom from Abraham Lincoln.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • "It is seldom given to mortal man to feel superior to a tax lawyer." – Anthony C. Amsterdam

 

  • "Who will protect the integrity of the tax law if the tax lawyers won’t?" – Christopher Bergin

More Tax Season Humor: April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Sixty-four percent of women attorneys think that tax lawyers make undesirable dates." – Daniel Dolan

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Tax Season Funnies: Estate Planning in Ancient Egypt

Plus alligators discuss lawyers.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • "Needless tax complexity promotes chaos and confusion and gives the taxpayer a ready excuse for inattention to detail merging toward outright noncompliance." – Gene Steuerle

More Tax Season Humor: April Fool Is When? | What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "The ancient Egyptians built elaborate fortresses and tunnels and even posted guards at tombs to stop grave robbers. In today’s America, we call that estate planning." – Congressman Bill Archer 

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Tax Season Funnies: April Fool Is When?

Man at desk with "April fool" stickies on his backMan at desk with "April fool" stickies on his backPlus an April 15 carol. Write a new verse and send it to us!
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • "We picked the wrong day for April Fools. I would have chosen April 15." – Steve Maple, 3-27-09

More Tax Season Humor: What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes  | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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  • "Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS." – Jay Leno

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Tax Season Funnies: What Money Can Buy

Businessman ogling money over another's shoulderPlus the world's oldest profession.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • “A tax shelter is a dumb transaction done by smart people that will put my kids through college.” – Chuck Rettig, current IRS commissioner, as quoted in 2005
  • “I don’t care about money. I just want to be wonderful.” – Marilyn Monroe

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes  | Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

  • “Money doesn’t talk, it swears.” – Bob Dylan

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Tax Season Funnies: How Golf Is Like Taxes

Golf club by tee at tee box, looking downhill at holeGetting you through these last few weeks.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • Why are tax advisors so calm and composed? They have strong internal controls.

 

  • A dime is a dollar with all the various taxes deducted.

More Tax Season Humor: Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution | The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

  • The reward for saving money is being able to pay our taxes without borrowing.

 

  • Why not slap a tax on political gas?

 

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Tax Season Funnies: After the Revolution

Questions college students ask.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
  • “An income tax is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – Former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon

More Tax Season Humor: The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

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The Tax Season Funnies: Worst Video Game Ever

Tax advisors tell you to be audit you can be.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • The American taxpayers wouldn't object to free transportation for certain government officials if they'd go where we wish they would.
  • Nowadays the world revolves on its taxes.

More Tax Season Humor: What Al Capone Said about Taxes – Before His ConvictionA CPA Goes into a Pet Shop to Buy a Parrot…  |   A Little Tax Humor  |  How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

GoProCPA.comExclusively for PRO Members. Log in here or upgrade to PRO today.

  • Turbo Tax is the worst video game ever.

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What Al Capone Said about Taxes – Before His Conviction

More tax humor for Busy Season.

Collected, curated and refined by Robert E. McKenzie. Enjoy!

 

  • "They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."

– Al Capone: Before he was convicted of tax evasion.

  • Sixty-four percent of women attorneys think that tax lawyers make undesirable dates.

– Daniel Dolan

  • "The best things in life are tax-free."

– Joseph Bonkowski

  • "If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck."

– Jeff Foxworthy

 

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A CPA Goes into a Pet Shop to Buy a Parrot…

A little tax humor for Busy Season, as collected, curated and refined by Robert E. McKenzie. Enjoy!

  • It’s not that we can’t fill out a simple tax return. The problem is that in so many cases, a simple tax return simply doesn’t exist.

– Anderson Independent Mail, 1-25-12

  • Love, sex, and the I.R.S are three things that will always be with us.

– Dave Howell, The Morning Call, 3-30-15

  • It’s always sunny the day after tax season, regardless of the weather.

– Kurt Schneider, CPA 4-20-17

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A Little Tax Humor

Portrait of a young laughing businessman with tablet computer in officeTake a break for a few minutes.

Editor's Note: Every tax season for the last umpteen years, Robert E. McKenzie, a tax lawyer at  Arnstein & Lehr in Chicago, has made a tradition of sharing his carefully curated collection of tax jokes. Here are a few of his latest. Enjoy!

By Robert E. McKenzie 

1) "Three things are certain in life. Death and taxes are two of them. The third is tax fraud." – Matt Pearce, LA Times, April 19, 2016

 

MORE: How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

2) "I think nobody knows more about taxes than I do, maybe in the history of the world. Nobody knows more about taxes." – Donald Trump during 2016 campaign

3) "Anonymous just hacked Trump's tax returns. Unfortunately, like Trump's hands, the numbers are tiny and impossible to make out." – Michael R. Burch

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How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 ... and more tax season humor.

Every tax season for the last umpteen years, Robert E. McKenzie, a tax lawyer at  Arnstein & Lehr in Chicago, has made a tradition of sharing his carefully curated collection of tax jokes. Here are a few of his latest. Enjoy!

Q: How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb really gets screwed.
-- From Garrison Keillor’s ‘Pretty Good Joke Book’

IRS MOTTO: "We're not happy until you're not happy!"

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