Tax Season Funnies: Making Sense of Tax Forms

First, a couple of COVID-19 jokes courtesy of a client. (Too soon?)

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator.

Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: The Poetic Versions | A Rabbi’s Advice | The Next Political Party Symbol | Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer | A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | The ‘Service’ in IRS
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The more you earn, the less you keep,

And now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to take,

If the tax collector hasn’t got it before I wake.

~ Ogden Nash READ MORE →

Tax Season Funnies (Plus Some Covid Humor, Too Soon?)

Page of calendar showing date of 15thThe 15th still means something.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

COVID-19 humor courtesy of clients and friends:

  • I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: Making Sense of Tax Forms | Tax Season Funnies: The Poetic Versions | A Rabbi’s Advice | The Next Political Party Symbol | Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer | A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | The ‘Service’ in IRS
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I know we have until July 15 this year, but April 15 is still a reference point in tax humor:

“The U.S. tax code was written by “A” students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.” – P.J. O’Rourke
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Tax Season Funnies: A Rabbi’s Advice

Businessman in black suit straightening necktieWhen to use profanity.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

While sheltering at home I just watched a Mark Twain biography. Hence the emphasis on that great writer in this edition.

“I don’t know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.” – Mark Twain

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: The Next Political Party Symbol | Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer | A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | The ‘Service’ in IRS
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“No man’s life, liberty or property is safe while Congress is in session.” – Mark Twain
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Tax Season Funnies: The Poetic Versions

Portrait of a young laughing businessman with tablet computer in officePlus a vision of Hell.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
The only effective way to eliminate tax loopholes is to eliminate politicians.
 

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: A Rabbi’s Advice | The Next Political Party Symbol | Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer | A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | The ‘Service’ in IRS
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“We have from time to time complained about the complexity of our revenue laws and the almost impossible challenge they present to taxpayers or their representatives … Our complaints have obviously fallen upon deaf ears.” – Arnold Raum (Former Senior U.S. Tax Court Judge)

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Tax Season Funnies: The Next Political Party Symbol

illustration of gates of heavenAnd yet another tax lawyer tries to get into Heaven.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

Paying your taxes goes for a good cause … it keeps you out of prison.

The difference between cheating the IRS and crossing the street in New York City: One is tax evasion and the other is taxi evasion.

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer | Tax Season Funnies: A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Tax Season Funnies: Gargoyles in the IRS? | Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS
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The elephant and the donkey were probably chosen as political party emblems because they are beasts of burden. If a new political party is started, a taxpayer might suitably be used as an emblem.
 

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Tax Season Funnies: Gabriel and Saint Peter Confer

Portrait of a young laughing businessman with tablet computer in officePlus an alligator in a bar.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you cannot get killed by a blank?

Taxation is based on supply and demand. We supply when the government demands.
 

MORE: A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates | Gargoyles in the IRS? | Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS
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When Congress writes the tax laws, they often leave it to the IRS to “fill in the details” with specific instructions. That’s like asking a hungry lion to protect the sheep from the wolves.

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Tax Season Funnies: A Tax Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

Older businessman with younger businessman trailing behind himAlso: How to be a good tax professional.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
Have you heard of the “audit lottery”? It’s a game where 99.5 percent of the people are winners. If the IRS pulls your number, you lose. Everyone else is a winner.
 

MORE: Tax Season Funnies: Gargoyles in the IRS? | Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS
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If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But…
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it. Either of which is probably tax deductible.

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Tax Season Funnies: Gargoyles in the IRS?

And then the lawyer said …

Plus a couple of Will Rogers classics.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
Each year I share a little tax humor during tax season …
“When not on vacation (which is a lot of the time, fortunately for the republic), Congress can be hazardous to our health.” – Mike Causey, Federal News Radio, 4/6/17
 
“To err is human, but this you should learn. Do not be human on your tax return.” – Tony Anton

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Tax Season Funnies: The ‘Service’ in IRS

Businessman looking thoughtfulAlso: Two sides of whiskey.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

Each year I share a little tax humor during tax season…

“Internal Revenue Service is NOT what I thought ‘Service’ meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ‘service’ a few cows. BAM! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us. You are now as enlightened as I.” – Courtesy of Sharon Kreider, CPA

More Tax Season Funnies here

“An income tax,” said Mellon, “is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon

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