Seven Keys to Maintaining Trust

Julie Johnson, CIMA, CFP,  is the founder and chief engagement officer of XY Communication and a former senior vice president with UBS. She helps financial professionals to increase engagement with existing clients, prospects and peers by improving their ability to communicate, connect, and build trust and loyalty.

Yes, with your clients, but also with your team.

By Julie S. Johnson
The Holistic Guide to Wealth Management

The Insurance Network for Fiduciary Advisors reported that 96 percent of clients are looking for wealth transfer advice from their advisors while they’re still alive, but fewer than one in four (25%) of financial professionals provided it to their clients.

Why is there such a disconnect?

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So many financial professionals have told me it’s not their job to hold clients’ hands during the emotional challenges of death, divorce, inheritance. “They hire us to take care of their financial goals and challenges, not be their therapist,” advisors tell me again and again. This comment, and multiple variations of it, are what I hear often after speaking or writing on this topic.

That disconnect is your opportunity as a CPA!

It Starts with Empathy

Having empathy is one of the most important traits you can have as an advisor. But we rarely learn about empathy in school or at work, much less learn about the deeper meaning of empathy, or how to implement it.

Webster’s Dictionary defines empathy as: “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” To me, empathy is about having the ability to sit comfortably with someone while they are going through big challenges in their life (divorce, death, job loss, etc.) and putting yourself in their shoes and ultimately finding a way to help them. In my experience, empathy is also about knowing what to say, what not to say, and sometimes, simply when to keep quiet. When given the opportunity to learn and then execute upon these poignant moments in people’s lives, many of us may struggle, squirm and consider bolting.

However, having empathy is a superpower. Why?

A McKinsey & Company study determined that by 2030, women will be in charge of two-thirds of investable assets – a $30 trillion responsibility. Why does this matter?

As always, we must do our homework and learn as much about our prospects and clients as possible before and during the relationship-building process. Many of us call this the “discovery” process and it is absolutely critical for building trust and loyalty with clients. No client or prospect should be put in a narrowly defined box based on their age, gender or background. Everyone’s situation is unique. As the aforementioned McKinsey study concluded, understanding the wants, needs and expectations of certain genders and/or age groups (think women and younger adults) can be extremely helpful when crafting questions to ask clients during the discovery phase. As always, stay curious and never assume anything about your clients during discovery. These questions are just a starting point.

Women’s Expectations and Actions

Ellevest’s Women’s Financial Health Index found that the overall financial health of U.S. women is at a five-year low, with five out of six women (86%) feeling financially unprepared for a recession.

According to Ellevest data:

• Women care less than men about the financial performance of their investments and more about securing their family’s financial wellbeing.
• Only 38 percent of women reported feeling concerned about market volatility vs. 58 percent of men. This explains why more men than women have paused their retirement contributions and withdrawn money from the stock market.
• The aforementioned McKinsey study found there’s a 70 percent chance that women will leave the advisor whom they shared with their spouse within one year of spouse’s death. Later I’ll share action items to prevent that from happening to your practice.
• Centers for Disease Control data finds women have about a 70 percent chance of outliving their spouse. Make sure your relationship with them is solid.
• Research also finds that women will make nearly three times as many referrals to their advisor as men over their lifetime.

Cues That Clients Are Unhappy with You

A widely cited New York Life Investments study of women found that half of respondents said their financial advisor was incapable of connecting with them on a personal level by taking time to understand their specific needs.

• 40 percent of women surveyed said advisors treat women differently, often ignoring or dismissing what they have to say.
• 62 percent of women said they have unique investment needs and financial advisors don’t understand those needs.

In my practice, I have found that when women are unhappy with their advisor, they simply leave. They don’t necessarily discuss with their advisors why they’re leaving. That’s why you need to pay attention to cues from all of your clients that they may be unhappy or dissatisfied with your firm:

• Clients don’t seem engaged with you when you are speaking.
• They’re not asking you questions.
• They appear apathetic.
• They appear nervous or uncomfortable.

Importance of Getting to Know Your Clients’ Children and Grandchildren

• Younger family members should be introduced to their parents’ advisors early and often. Help kids and young adults understand your goals. Then, the discussion becomes more normalized.
• For the older generation that hesitates to introduce their younger family members to their advisors, remind them how much better it is to have them know the details of their parents’ financial plans and have a relationship with the advisors while they are still in good health and mentally sound. That’s so much easier than having adult children scrambling to figure everything out while they are in the grieving process.
• Many young adults like to be “in the know” and part of the collaboration regarding their family’s finances. It makes them feel valued.
• The best advisors help to navigate the variations in ideas of wealth management and investing between the older and younger generations. Be solutions-based. Or there is always the option to bring in a facilitator who can help you with these discussions so that you can remain the “good cop.”
• Nearly two-thirds (65%) of inheritors leave their parents’ advisors because those advisors made little to no effort to get to know them.

In their landmark paper, Wealth 3.0 in Practice, Dr. James Grubman, Dr. Dennis Jaffe and Kristin Keffeler identified six best practices for advisors to follow when interacting with their clients:

1. Help create possibility.
2. Learn to use discovery questions that focus on desired outcomes and possibilities.
3. Move beyond either/or dichotomies in favor of balance.
4. When discussing money, emphasize the value of preparing the family more than protecting the family.
5. Advocate for cross-generational engagement as an important element for success.
6. Always remember that healthy integration of wealth is a long-term psychological journey.

A recent Fidelity study found that two thirds (67%) of Gen X and Y adults want services beyond financial advice and investment management, compared to only 29 percent of Boomers. The younger generations are facing life concerns such as astronomical debt, the fear that there will be no Social Security upon retirement, and several other concerns for their present and future state. Also, their decisions about when to buy a home and when to have kids are potentially quite different. Thus, younger adults are seeking an advisor/partner to help them make decisions about their whole life, not just about their money.

Also, be sure to keep these points in mind when hiring and retaining talent. Have open discussions with your associates and peers about what is going on in their lives and how you can help them. Showing you care, I’ve found, is one of the best possible things you can do to foster employee loyalty.

Yet, many advisors are still unwilling or unable to show clients and team members how much they care about them. Perhaps they haven’t lost enough clients or employees to make retention a pain point yet, but eventually they will.

What can we do about it?

According to Vanguard research, the most important factor in building and maintaining trust with your client is having emotional engagement.

Seven Keys to Establishing and Maintaining Trust with Clients and Team Members

1. We must start by knowing ourselves and our own story. What is our relationship with money today? What was our relationship with money in the past, and what are our money hopes for the future? By knowing this, we are able to be aware of our own preconceived notions and biases. If we do not know this for ourselves, we cannot relate to our clients genuinely or guide them properly as they go through their own learning journey. As stated by Adam Grant and Brian Little: “We cannot give what we do not have.”
2. People hire us because they trust that we know them, their fears, anxieties and dreams. Getting to this level of understanding requires a deeper discovery of who our clients are, who they want to become, what they hope for their family and for each other.
3. To be successful, we must approach these conversations from a place of competence, and compassion. Our clients, prospects and peers must not just hear, but feel that they are safe with us to share their deepest secrets, their craziest concerns and their most pie-in-the-sky dreams. Then it is our job to listen with no judgment and help them navigate every step so that they feel confident that they and their family will be safe.

3a. We must be able to do this across generations. This level of connection and engagement is not one size fits all. We need to do our homework and learn how to mirror the communication and connection styles of each gender and each generation.

4. We must do our best to be humble, but confident, and always have a solid grasp of our emotional state. Knowing it is better to admit when we don’t know something, but that we will find out. Knowing it is okay to discuss our concerns with a client or peer safely. This also enables our clients and peers to know that they are safe to ask any questions, be vulnerable, never feeling intimidated to do so.
5. It is our job to communicate like humans. Meet with clients as we would meet with friends, meaning we’re consistently curious about what is going on in their lives. And then follow up with clients when they share something important. These are opportunities to reach out, connect, build trust and have deeper relationships.
6. In every discussion, listen for what is not being said. Look for cues in body language, eye contact, tone, cadence. Yes, this can be done in our increasingly virtual world. Avoid using jargon. Studies prove it actually decreases a client’s trust in us.
7. Show up the way your clients need you to show up (it is about their needs more than ours):

• • Level and amount of communication. Hint: You should be listening much more than talking during client meetings.
  • Match vernacular, cadence, body language, etc.
  • Email, phone, text?
  • In person vs. Zoom?

How do they want to hear from you? How often do they want to hear from you? Where do they want to meet with you? What communication style do you need to utilize that will make them feel safe and comfortable? (While always remaining authentic and confidently humble.)

By having the confidence to be authentic and by having attentive and profoundly reciprocal relationships, everyone’s stress level and anxiety decreases in the client/advisor relationship. This is also true with peers.

To be successful, we as financial professionals must dig deeper and go beyond the transactional and one-sided communication that our industry is accustomed to. We need to emphasize trust and authenticity with our clients. If we don’t, then we will likely be relegated to the 75 percent of current financial professionals who are not providing their clients with the advice and support they are craving. These are the financial professionals who should be afraid of losing their jobs to artificial intelligence.

How to Set Yourself Apart – Empowering You, Your Clients and Your Team to Thrive

“Judge a man (person) by his questions rather than by his answers.” – Voltaire

It’s our duty as fiduciaries not only to ask our clients the right questions, but to ask them in the right way. When we initially meet a prospect, we should treat the conversation as if we are meeting a new friend for coffee – not as a business meeting. A famous Harvard University study found that people find it intrinsically rewarding to talk about themselves. Research found that doing so releases dopamine (a happy chemical) into our brains, and instantly makes us feel comfortable and engaged. That is, as long as the person(s) sitting with us is listening and makes us feel that what we are saying matters to them.

When you are listening to a client, prospect or team member, do everything in your power not to judge the person who is speaking, no matter what. This is a mindset that must be practiced. It is so hard not to show a reaction to something unexpected, or to something you deem to be different or abnormal. But it’s absolutely critical that you do so!

Remember, your reactions are perceived from your body language, from your facial expressions, from your eyes, your tone and of course, from your words. If a person feels you are judging what they are saying in a manner that is not positive, you might as well end the meeting right then and there.

First impressions are like the foundation of a house. If they are not solid when initially set, the house is bound to come tumbling down. And, if you do not make your clients or peers feel that they are in a “safe space” when they talk with you, they will likely not be with you for long. Sure you can tell them the reality of their financial position and help them see what they need to do to fulfill their defined goals. But if you don’t do it with empathy and make your client feel trusted, they will not likely stick with you. As the old saying goes, “It is not what you said, but how you said it.” Yes, this comes up in many therapy sessions because it is the way we make the person feel that matters to them.

Trust and Relationship Building Is Equally Applicable to Attracting and Maintaining New Talent

• Millennials are 22x more likely to work for a company with a high trust culture.
• Companies with high-trust workplace cultures have stock market returns nearly two to three times higher than companies that don’t have high-trust workplaces.
• People who work at high-trust companies experience 74 percent less stress.

Another huge pain point is finding younger individuals who wish to join and excel in our industry. Much of the trust-building content described above is exactly what prospective employees and team members are looking for from us. Building relationships, showing them that they are valued.

One of the predominant challenges being faced is that younger individuals may not have a “realistic” view of what it takes to succeed, where they will start from, where they can grow to. And often the big hurdle: appropriate compensation. Again, do not balk or make them feel they are totally out of place. Instead, listen, ask questions and show appreciation. Then, show them the data of what is realistic and why. Invite them to ask questions. Do your best to not totally shoot them down, yet together, work toward a win-win. Be curious. Chances are they do not know what they do not know. This is your chance to take on the role of mentor. Put yourself in their shoes and look at the situation from their perspective.

As always, start with discovery. What do they want from you? Paint a very clear and accurate view of what it takes to make it up the ranks and grow with your team, and the appropriate compensation. It is our job to communicate openly with them. Paint the picture of what is possible now, and what is possible in time dependent upon their performance.

Make sure, no matter what, they feel heard. They too need to feel safe, not judged. This may be extremely challenging. But the bottom line is, we need them! This is another area of expertise I am more than happy to help with.

Takeaways and Action Items

• Find a need and fill it. You have the opportunity to offer your clients and team what they need and want in a way that fits their needs (and yours). You no longer have to do it the way it has always been done. Always start by finding out your client’s relationship with money as well as what they care about and why. You may have to review their early childhood memories and experiences with them to see what may have triggered their perceptions of money.
• Share with them why your solution meets their needs better. If clients are still not buying it, figure out how to communicate your solution in language that resonates with them, utilizing perhaps their memories – something they can relate to. This is the case when building all relationships: the more you can share your thoughts and ideas in a way that will engage them emotionally and logically (pros and cons), the more they will be on board and trust you.
• Stay curious. Never assume you know the answer. My presentations, training/facilitations and consulting rely heavily on statistics and case studies. Just remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to your clients’ needs. Consider using assessments, so both of you can understand the underlying personalities, traits, facets of the people you’re working with. Then, it’s not just observations or assumptions that you have made, but documented on a piece of paper that both of you can discuss and build from.
• Create your own stories. Take the time to create your own stories from your past that you can use when a prospect/client/peer is reluctant to share stories about being vulnerable with you or to answer your questions. By doing so, the person will feel safer and relaxed enough to share with you. However, your story must be applicable to the situation being discussed and must resonate with the prospect/client/peer. Keep the story short. Always bring it back to how you hope it helps the person you are sharing it with … always keeping the focus on the client/prospect/peer.

Conclusion

Bottom line: People hire us not because they understand what we are trying to tell them; they hire us because they feel we understand them and know what they need from us.

As best-selling author Stephen M. R. Covey states in “The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything”: “In a high-trust relationship, you can say the wrong thing, and people will still get your meaning. In a low-trust relationship, you can be very measured, even precise, and they’ll still misinterpret you.”

 

 [Arrowroot Family Office Disclaimer]

Posted on April 12, 2026