Tax advisors tell you to be audit you can be.
As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
- The American taxpayers wouldn’t object to free transportation for certain government officials if they’d go where we wish they would.
- Nowadays the world revolves on its taxes.
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- Turbo Tax is the worst video game ever.
- I’ve never visited the Internal Revenue Service building in Washington. I imagine the inside to be a labyrinth, adorned by gargoyles and lit torches. A steady drip of water echoes. Steam rises from the damp floor. The walls are moist, jagged rocks.
That would certainly explain a lot, especially if you’ve ever tried to resolve a problem with the gatekeepers of the Seventh Circle. (And yes, I realize that writing something, with my name attached to it, about the IRS places me in grave danger. If this turns out to be my last column, tell the world my story.) – Lancaster Online 4-15-17
- Why don’t we ever hear of a thief stealing from a politician’s house? Professional courtesy. – Courtesy of Michael Lied
- The United States has a system of taxation by confession. – Hugo Black, Supreme Court Justice
- If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck. – Jeff Foxworthy
- If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, recapture it under §1245. – Courtesy of Kevin Huston, EA, USTCP
- Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.” — F. J. Raymond, humorist
- A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy, and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said, “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live” and jumped out.
The lawyer then said, “I am the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”
The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.”