- “An income tax is the price which the government charges for the privilege of having taxable income.” – Former Secretary of the Treasury Andrew Mellon
- "They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money." – Al Capone ... before he was convicted of tax evasion
- "While some people might find it distasteful to pay taxes, I don't. I find it patriotic." – Mark Cuban
- "I don't know if I can live on my income or not – the government won't let me try it." – Bob Thaves
- "The big winners under the American fiscal system are the rich, who pay some of the lowest taxes anywhere in the world; the old, who are the main beneficiaries of the American social service state; farmers, rural people. These are Republican constituencies." – David Frum
- "Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose." – Evan Esar
- “In 1790, the nation which had fought a revolution against taxation without representation discovered that some of its citizens weren't much happier about taxation with representation.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
- What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
Why does it work?
What does a grad student with an accounting degree ask?
How much will it cost?
What does a grad student with a liberal arts degree ask?
Do you want fries with that?
- A CPA goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” asks the CPA. “Well,” replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.”
“How much does the middle parrot cost?” asks the CPA. “That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts.”
The startled CPA asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, What can it do? To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I have never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”