As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
- Why are tax advisors so calm and composed? They have strong internal controls.
- A dime is a dollar with all the various taxes deducted.
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- The reward for saving money is being able to pay our taxes without borrowing.
- Why not slap a tax on political gas?
- Golf is a lot like taxes: You drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.
- The real problem with the tax system is that we all want to eliminate other people’s loopholes without giving up any of our own tax incentives.
- An IRS agent contacted a preacher to verify a parishioner’s church contributions and asked, “Did Mr. Smith give $6,000 to your church?” The father said, “He will, son. He will.”
- A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”
The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?”
The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.”
“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.
“No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
- A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for 10 cents.
“The next morning, I invested those 10 cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 p.m. for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”