Plus an April 15 carol. Write a new verse and send it to us!As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie
- “We picked the wrong day for April Fools. I would have chosen April 15.” – Steve Maple, 3-27-09
More Tax Season Humor: What Money Can Buy | How Golf Is Like Taxes | After the Revolution | Worst Video Game Ever | A Little Tax Humor | How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
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- “Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.” – Jay Leno
- “America. Land of opportunity. Everybody can owe the government.” – Cindy Adams, NY Post, 3-29-09
- “The end of March brings up the beginning of April: Tax time. America has the highest standard of living in the world. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford it.” – Cindy Adams, NY Post, 3-29-09
- “The IRS has turned the American people into the largest group of liars in the history of history.” – Harold Harmon, Durant Daily Democrat 4-12-09
THEY COME ON APRIL 15TH DEAR
(To the tune of “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”)
They come on April 15th, dear,
To take away our gold.
Taxmen unmoved by plea or tear,
It makes your blood run cold.
Oh, income tax! You break our backs,
The government takes all.
A thief by any other name
Would never have such gall.
* Think you can do better? Leave your own verse in the comments.
- A final-year accounting student sees his buddy ride past on a new bicycle. So he stops his friend and quizzes him about the origin of the bike. “The funniest thing happened the other day,” the friend begins, “this first-year student is pushing her bike past me, when suddenly she stops, takes off all her clothes and tells me to take what I want!” To which the first accounting student replies, “Good choice, the clothes would not have fit anyway!”
- A 54-year-old accountant left a letter for his wife one evening that read, “Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary.”
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: “Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my 18-year-old boy toy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”
- An accountant tries horseback riding: “Yesterday I had a near-death experience that has changed me forever. I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it.”
