Tax Season Funnies: Who Gets the Penthouse Suite?

Businessman relaxing in clouds in skyPlus words of wisdom from Abraham Lincoln.

As collected by Robert E. Mckenzie

  • "It is seldom given to mortal man to feel superior to a tax lawyer." – Anthony C. Amsterdam

 

  • "Who will protect the integrity of the tax law if the tax lawyers won’t?" – Christopher Bergin

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  • "Sixty-four percent of women attorneys think that tax lawyers make undesirable dates." – Daniel Dolan

 

  • For all my tax preparer friends busily preparing taxes this season I refer you to this piece of advice: “Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you’re keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls – family, health, friends, integrity – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls, you will have the beginnings of balance in your life!" – James Patterson’s "Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas"

 

  • In light of the gifts to the wealthy and corporations provided by the 2017 tax bill at the expense of balancing the budget, it might be wise to consider what the greatest Republican president had to say about the power of the wealthy.
    • "I see in the near future a crisis approaching. It unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country ... the Money Power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war." – Abraham Lincoln, in a letter written to William Elkin just after the passage of the National Banking Act of 1863 and less than five months before he was assassinated
    • "The money power preys on the nation in times of peace and conspires against it in times of adversity. It is more despotic than monarchy, more insolent than autocracy, more selfish than bureaucracy. It denounces, as public enemies, all who question its methods or throw light upon its crimes." – Abraham Lincoln
    • “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln
    • “Most of us are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
  • "A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on Paul's support." – George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950

 

  • "I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies." – Thomas Jefferson

 

Minister and Tax Lawyer in Heaven

A minister and a tax lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.

"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite."

"This is unfair!" cried the minister.

"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first tax lawyer we've ever seen."